I had a plan of what this blog post was going to be. Determined to stick to the posting schedule I’d made myself for this month, I was going to write today about being ‘healthy’ – what that means to me, how healthy I consider myself to be and what I’m trying to do to be a healthy mum. If I’m honest I meant to write it over the weekend but I got a bit distracted with some outfit sewing (I know, so unlike me!) for Blogtacular this weekend. But that was fine as I was going to get up early early this morning and get going, before getting showered/dressed etc and taking T to the childminder for her 4 hour stint. With the skeleton plan in my head I knew I could get it typed up, images prepped and have it scheduled by tea-break time leaving me time to tackle the rest of my to-do list before walking round to collect T.
Except today just hasn’t happened like that.
The 3am and 5.15am screeching wake-up calls meant I wasn’t happy to get up at 6am when my phone gently chimed at me. So I re-set it for 7, giving us an hour to get ready and get out of the house. But then I hit snooze, automatically, and before I knew it it was 7.20. But that was fine, I could catch-up on my plans if I got moving so up I got, dashed my shower, flung on some clothes and then switched on my phone to see a message from our childminder. Instantly my imagined time-line for my day dissolved before my eyes. Don’t get me wrong, these things happen and it certainly isn’t the fault of our wonderful childminder. But today has been a perfect example of how much I visualise things in my head, to the point of them seeming almost non-negotiable routine, and has made me wonder whether in doing that I’m just setting myself up to fail. But failing with an automatic get-out clause so I can escape the blame.
My husband sighs when I mention a to-do list, both because if I’m telling him it means he’s got a job on it but also because he knows that they’re perhaps a tad ambitious. I’m rephrasing his words there but you get the idea. In trying to ‘run’ a home, push my tiny fledgling business and look after Tigger I do try and juggle many things – and while this does not make me unique in any way each of us do have our own ways of dealing with things.
My actual daily routine is very skeletal. We have routine’s for getting-up, meal-times and going to bed but largely these are orders of actions rather than time dependent as I know that with a baby, now toddler, around you have to have flexibility. But it’s those times that I think I’m getting to myself, those that I seem to plan to within moments of their allotted time, that when taken away throw me into a bit of a tail-spin.
I am being dramatic, and I realised that once I’d sat down with my morning coffee. Yes, I needed to re-plan my day. And yes, my goals for what I wanted to get done weren’t going to be reached, not even with nap-times and this evening to work. But what was different this morning was that I realised I had two options. I could either concede to failure and write the day off, all before 9am, or I could just give myself a break and re-evaluate my priorities and expectations for the day. On the basis that I was thinking of phrases like ‘re-evaluate’ and ‘expectations’ for just a normal day I figured I really did need a break.
It was reading this post ‘Laying it all out there’ from Mummy Limited that struck a chord this morning, specifically where she said that sometimes we should just say “This is where I am, This is how I feel” in the knowledge that the chances are high someone else feels like that too.
So in that spirit this is mine.
Today didn’t go as planned. Today I learnt I need to give myself a bit of a break. Today I realised that I’m perhaps winding myself up too tightly before the day has even started and maybe even setting myself up to fail. And today I learnt that I perhaps need to delve into that, and the thoughts and feelings that this morning prompted. Even though T is 20 months I have not mastered juggling (metaphorically or literally) and that while having a drive and things to aim for is no bad thing, expecting that everything is going to go perfectly to plan is just daft. And possibly a bit un-healthy.
So if you’re daft and trying to juggle too, be it children, work, major life-changing projects, keeping on top of the housework, all or none of these, then know you’re not the only one. And maybe even let me know and perhaps we can swap circus tricks for a sociable cuppa and a deep breath?!